Current Programming

You think “giving it your all” is going to take you far in life.

And you’re both right and wrong.

Below is an excerpt from an email I sent a client recently who had some success with a tool I provided him the week before but then found that he fell off track when some obstacles showed up.

I want to share because the topic has been coming up in so many conversations recently:

First, recognize that your concept of “giving it your all” is probably flawed. That concept is what is keeping you stuck in a loop of trying to be perfect. Trying to be a 10, which ends up only lasting a day or two and then you end up a 0 for the next week because it was unsustainable. As a thought experiment, what would be possible if you instead were a consistent 7? What is your reaction when I say that?

Think about a bodybuilder. Building a fantastic physique takes years of effort. The body responds to stimulus when someone lifts weights and then slowly adapts. Someone who goes to the gym and “gives it their all” is probably going to injure themselves immediately, take time off and then come back. They never have the consistency to build significant muscle because they are constantly taking breaks from the gym because they went too hard.

Meaning? In order to maintain consistency over the long-haul, you must integrate maintenance and repair into your definition of “giving it your all.” If your entire definition of this is just going for broke with no awareness, then broken is exactly where you’re going to get.

Second, you didn’t “turn over a new leaf”, that implies that you turned into a new person last week. The issue with this is that it makes us think about large changes in self as something that happens overnight and consequently now you compare yourself against this new version of you that you claim to believe you changed into. All that happened last week is that you found a tool that works for you. That’s it. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

In the bodybuilder example, imagine that your use of the focus block is like his use of a scale for weighing food. If he uses it, he measures his food correctly. If he doesn’t use it, he eats too much. He is not a different person in either scenario, he’s just either taking advantage of something that works for him or he’s not. Is one scenario preferable? Of course. But that’s all – it’s preferable. It’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t use the scale sometimes.

Over time, the usage of that tool, experience, and confidence of knowing he is capable of eating correctly becomes a part of him. Integration takes time.

What’s the point of all this?

You are putting too much pressure on yourself by comparing yourself to ideal versions of self and measuring your worth against them. You didn’t take steps forward or backwards as a person, you simply started using something that helped you and then you stopped using it. That is okay! That is the lesson here.

Lastly, what you are experiencing here is completely normal and entirely predictable. This lesson is not natural for men in modern individualistic societies’ conditioning (the western world), which places importance on the idea that people should succeed based on their “grit” and “willpower”, which is all complete bullshit.

Stop for a moment, take a breath, and recognize that you are the one assigning yourself labels. You are not a bad or lazy person. You are just someone who did not take the action they desired to. That outcome is less than desirable, sure but it does not mean you are doomed to forever be behind or that you are a bad person because of it.

You use this moment to figure out how you can be more aware of the times you are falling behind and methods for getting back on track faster. This is data.

Once again, great job reaching out. The only reason I am able to respond to you here is because you took the initiative to share this with me. That’s a win.