Beating Yourself Up Doesnt Work

Beating yourself up has never been the thing that made you consistent.

If shame worked, it would have worked by now.

But it’s not.

If when I was 22, shaming myself for scrolling instagram while I was at my job worked, I would have stopped doing it.

Oh but you know that didn’t work.

What actually builds consistency is self-respect.

And self-respect is built by changing the way you view your mess-ups.

Instead of viewing through the lens of self shame:

“I’ll probably never do this well.”

“Maybe I’m not good enough.”

You view them through the lens of iteration:

“Why didn’t that work?”

“What could I do differently next time?”

And immediately you’ll recognize that the thing holding you back isn’t your ability to answer these questions…

But in your ability to give yourself permission to answer them.

Because likely what happens is that your initial reaction is to go straight back to the earlier, shaming comments, instead of asking and answering the practical, data-driven ones.

Because you operate right now from your current programming which is to self-shame.

Right?

That is just the truth about how you operate right now, whether or not you chose it for yourself.

(And you likely didn’t, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true)

I can already hear the resistance, something along the lines of:

“No way, I can’t just tell myself everything is sunshine and rainbows when it’s not. I have to do better. I have to stop procrastinating. Stop hesitating. I’m not doing good enough.”

True, if you want to pursue your goals or get your work done, you do have to stop procrastinating and hesitating.

But…. you don’t have to shame yourself for not having stopped yet or for the slips you have back into those patterns as you move forward and learn and grow.

That part is a choice.

There is another route, through self respect and self love to achieve far more than self-shame could ever.