The 10:43 PM Decision That's Stealing Your Future

I’ve spent more hours than I’d like to admit in the ‘fuck it’ moment…

That specific moment where your brain just stops fighting its own worst urges and, instead, actually starts to support you engaging in them.

Which is where most people are this late into January

I’ve observed this state of mind for a long time now that someone I look up to had a good term for.

He called it the “fuck it state”

Which is effectively that moment when you start to hear your mind just give up and give into an urge

This is most obvious in reflection when you make the choice late at night to do something you don’t actually want to..

For example right when you look at your laptop at like 10:43PM and think,

“I mean I was planning on going to bed earlier tonight but it’s still early, why don’t I just watch youtube for those 17 minutes until 11PM. Yeah but that doesn’t normally work. But this time it will be different – I’ll set a timer”

That right there is a classic “fuck it” voice in your head.

All of the sudden it’s past 1 in the morning and not only do you not remember anything you just watched, you also kind of hate yourself.

What a fantastic thing to think right before you go to bed

Now, this is a micro version of this but it also happens in the macro as well, and it’s likely happening to you right now.

Which is likely manifesting in a dangerous thought like,

“You know I started this year off well, but I started to slide, maybe… I won’t stop doing this.”

“Maybe I can’t”

“Is it really that bad to watch a bit of youtube or social media before bed?”

Or, one of my favorites:

“You know, it’s good to have ways like this to decompress in moderation”

Hahahaha – an absolute classic

I love hearing that one in the back of my head (yeah I absolutely still do, I’m a human too)

Don’t get me wrong, healthy decompression is important…

Throwing on a youtube video about something you find fascinating for a bit and then turning it off when you’re done and going about your day is great

I love the science youtube channel Veritasium.

I’m a huge ass nerd and he has fantastic story-telling about great concepts, excellent visuals, a bit of learning, and just fun.

But there’s nothing healthy about the negative self-shaming loop of binge watching bullshit late into the night, attacking yourself for it, promising you’ll do it differently, and then letting yourself off the hook, only to fall further into the hole of self-doubt.

Let me be clear: I have genuinely lost tons of time in my life from dopamine-scrolling behaviors so I really have no judgement of anyone in this predicament.

In fact I think it’s basically a given for people to suffer from this because of how addictive the current state of technology is.

I have had this happen to me many nights in my past, I get it, I feel it.

There’s no reason to blame yourself when these apps are designed by literal geniuses funded with trillions of dollars to be as addictive as possible.

But that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy or acceptable behavior if you’re ambitious and want to create a life where you feel free and fulfilled.

Because late January is when the fuck it statements stop being about tonight and start setting the tone for the year.

If you keep feeding this state, you don’t occasionally visit it.

You live in it.

From personal experience:

Next January will pass and my mind would say,

“Honestly, last year wasn’t that bad.”

And, for me at least, I realized that if I allowed these thoughts to continue to have control…

10 years later, January will pass and it will say the same thing.

Again, if you’re genuinely okay with that, I’m not here to shame you.

But this is my genuine belief:

If you don’t choose to end this pattern now, you are very likely choosing to carry it and its consequences for the rest of your life.

And the consequence in my opinion is to choose to continue to be trapped in your mind and on your electronics instead of free to choose to spend your time how you please.

Maybe that’s by getting better sleep, being more present in your friendships, starting a business, going for more walks on the beach, or just sitting and finding shapes in the clouds or watching the rain.

Whatever gets you going, it’s on the other side of managing these urges that are pulling you back into nonproductive behaviors.