The Last Blow Is Always Your Own

I had just pulled money out of my savings account to pay my rent.

My relationship was ending.

I was overweight, half from fat and half from just stress inflammation because I was having quite a bit of insomnia.

And I was lying on the ground of my apartment like a corpse,

Spiraling into the abyss of chaos that was my mind

And you know what the voice in my mind said to me in that moment?

It said, ” What an opportunity.” To which I laughed back and said, ” Fuck you.” This is Flint from iAlign.

I went from a life of stagnation, scrolling, procrastination, and feeling behind to one of clear, consistent, confident action, authenticity, and freedom

In that moment, the business that I was building was in one of its first true lows.

I was in a relationship that was nearing its end,and even though she’s a wonderful person, the end of a relationship is always stressful.

I was behind on the science and engineering consulting work that I was doing in order to supplement my business income

So I hadn’t billed them because I was behind,and therefore I was behind on my own income itself,

Which led me to feeling financially anxious, which when added onto the anxiety of my relationship, of my health, of just my self-image in general

It was a gnarly moment

And it was September, so we were just about to head into the most stressful part of the year, which is the end of it.

The end of Q4, the real reflection on your business revenue for the year, the holidays.

And beneath all of it, the approaching feeling that I wasn’t going to accomplish that which I set out to accomplish during that year All of this pressure was starting to mount, and I can’t lie to you, it was fucking brutal

But I have an ace up my sleeve that not too many people know about because for years, long before this relationship or this business that I was building, or any of these things that existed in my life at that point, I have been training my mind to do one simple thing.

And that one thing was to say the words, ” This is an opportunity,” no matter how low I felt

Sometimes it was even in moments that seem probably fucked up.

My grandmother was passing away years ago, and I told myself, “This is an opportunity.” And I turned that into an opportunity to support my family and to support myself, and to become more emotionally resilient during hard times.

Someone might look at you and think, ” Your grandmother was dying and you said, ‘This is an opportunity?’” And I would say, “Yes. I know it sounds fucked up, but that’s what I chose.” Because I believe by having my mind say that when I’m at my lowest, I have the highest chance of acting in a way that makes me proud regardless.

Now, for the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t have this party trick.

I relied on shame and self-criticism to make progress

And in the short term, sure, that shame sometimes held me accountable to take an action that I wanted to take in that moment.

This is one of the traps that people fall into, is that sometimes shame does actually help you in the short term to take an action But in parallel, it also led me straight to compulsive behaviors in order to handle the greater levels of shame or disappointment or anxiety or emotion that shame-based accountability doesn’t help you handle.

Because from an emotional perspective, you’re actually making life harder on yourself, even if you are taking some of the practical next steps and actions.

So because I attacked myself instead of support myself in the low moments, sometimes I would get a little bit of it done, but inevitably I would also lead myself into doom scrolling, into pornography, into procrastination, into overeating.

Which obviously, in turn, led me away from my goals and from my sense of self because I was no longer aligned with the man that I wanted to be, with my values

In those moments, instead of this is an opportunity, I would think, ” Holy shit, I can’t believe I did that again.” “God, how could I, how could I be here again? I just never learn.” the one that seems optimistic, “I’ll never do that again.”

I’m better than this which then leads into maybe this isn’t for me.

I can never do this right.” All those negative voices that start attacking yourself and beating yourself up, that sometimes provoke an action forward,

But generally just leads you back into the vicious negative feedback loop that further reinforces the negative compulsive behaviors that you were trying to avoid in the first place

I believe that the reason people fail to achieve their goals over the long term, or people who make some success in some areas of their life but the rest of their life is falling apart, like in their family and their health,

Is because they have unconsciously trained themselves over the course of their lives to use shame as accountability

So when their brute force and willpower run out and they face a failure or a major obstacle, their true self-talk and voices come out.

And those voices are the only ones that know the full you.

And if they don’t support you, they can be fucking vicious

And like in my past, they would tear me down further than I already was

I can basically guarantee you that if I talked to myself the way I did when I was 18 or 22 or 25 in that moment that I brought up earlier when I was spiraling on my carpet in my apartment, I would not be talking to you about this.

I would not have this business.

I would not have succeeded in the way that I have so far.

I would not be pursuing my dreams and my missions and my goals, and I would not be handling the stressors in positive, healthy ways.

I would have quit.

There’s no doubt in my mind

Because at the end of the day,in the high moments, in the low moments, in the boring moments, in all the momentsthe way you speak to yourself and the way you support yourself or don’t is the only thing you genuinely have control over And so sure, sometimes shame-based accountability works in the short term.

But when you get knocked down, it’s the thing that finishes the job.

Your self-talk and the way you view yourself are the things that actually knock you out.

They’re the things that actually make you quit.

Nothing external.

The last blow is always dealt by yourself when in those moments, even if they felt like personal failures, what you really needed was compassion

And if you resonated with this and you want to change the way that you speak to yourself, you want to change the way that your mind handles major obstacles to offer you compassion and opportunityinstead of scrolling and avoidance and self-attacks during the boring moments or the low moments or the intense moments or the end of the year stress, the holiday stress, the loneliness.

If you want to learn how to handle those obstacles and change the way you speak to yourself such that you engage yourself in a compassionate and supportive way, DM me.

I’ll show you how.

Peace.